Fashion Tips from the Fashion Unconcious #4April 18, 2007 at 10:42 pm | Posted in Fashion Unconscious | 5 Comments
Here’s a few tips ok:
- If you’re going to tuck in your shirt, please please please wear a belt or suspenders. It’s a rule any self respecting man should know. It’s not just for keeping your pants up you know. It’s also for preventing your pants from popping out too far when you squat or bend.
- The other day I saw a young man with a gun-shaped belt buckle. Son… Belt buckles are not gangsta, no matter who tells you they are. Belt buckles are country. That means you must accompany huge belt buckles with a ten-gallon hat and boots, preferably with spurs as well. And there is no such thing as country hip-hop. Also only tucking in the front of your t-shirt(!) so everyone can see your belt buckle is a disgrace to cowboys everywhere. A belt is worn if you tuck in your shirt kid. Don’t marry two very disparate cultures if you can’t claim either one. It’ll be like me wearing a qipao and a top hat. Not very flattering.
- Windbreakers, ala LKY, is not acceptable for any situation which involves a work shirt and/or tie. The only time you are allowed to wear a windbreaker with a nice shirt is if you run a country and have goons at your beck and call to break the legs of anyone who suggests that you’re not fashionable.
- If you’re going to wear a suit, black crocs are a no go. I saw one the other day at a career fair. You’re promoting a company. It speaks volumes at what level the company operates. I mean if they let you wear that, it’s hard to imagine what everyone wears in the office. Crocs are the ugliest thing to plague mankind this century (only seven years so they still can get knocked off that pedestal), and I barely tolerate them on peeps on weekend jaunt. A suit is to be accompanied with nice shoes. It would be like getting a nice Porsche with faux leather seats… Not classy, very tacky.
- Socks go with shoes, sandals with bare feet. If it’s that cold that you have to wear socks with your sandals, you know it’s time to put on closed toe shoes. Go ahead, your toes will thank you for it.
- Also the other day I used the toilet, and it smelt like cheap cologne. I assumed that it was the deodorant used by the cleaning company. It turned out to be the other guy pissing in the toilet. Seriously, if you have that much cologne that a whole toilet can smell like you, you have too much on. A few dabs is enough. Dun go apeshit and unload half the bottle. I know Axe is like a few bucks a pop, but still, spare a thought for everyone else. If you really really stink that bad, take a bloody shower. Everyone will thank you for it.
It amazes me at what passes for dress sense in Singapore. I mean I’m not some dress god who knows what to wear all the time, but I do have some basic dress sense. My dear female readers, please please please please please please help the men in your life with their dressing. We suck at it, we could use the help. I’m asking on their behalf, in case they’re too thick headed or blur to notice anything wrong with their dressing.